I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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