i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
