I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
