You smell like stripper and shame
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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