i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
