It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
