The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
