she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
