she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
