if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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