YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
