she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
