I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
