apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
