I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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