it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
