highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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