Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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