...so i touched it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
