So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
