would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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