I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
