At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
