I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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