let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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