Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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