Pants 0. Shit 1.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
