Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
