I will die if light touches me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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