So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
