I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
