he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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