So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
