So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
