i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
