seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
