i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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