four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
