Everything about him screamed your future.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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