i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
