the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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