sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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