Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize