This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize