i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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