Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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