1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize