clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
