Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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