I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
