I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
