this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
