we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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