im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
