i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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