dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
do nipples grow back?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
