i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
