Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
