also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
