we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
