"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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