i jhust puked up my retainher.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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