...so i touched it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
