ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
