I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
