the condom got lost in my hair
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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