this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
