dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
