she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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