I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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