If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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